Holy cow!

Really? My last blog was in January!? Wow! A million things have taken shape since then. I am on my short break at work and I have exactly 6 minutes to blog about the million things.

We got the house, most transactions took place in February and we moved in mid-March without a kitchen. I thought it would be easy and sure beat having to live with in-laws for longer than I could endure, but it sucked using plastic plates and utensils and washing Tyler's silly cups in the bathroom sink. The cabinets arrived much later than promised and it took Tony and his brother Jeff about 3 days for the kitchen to be somewhat functional. It's not quite done yet as we stopped working on it for a while (we are saving more money!). But it is still missing a range hood (please do not suggest a microwave hood) and the crown molding isn't done yet. Buy it is a very lovely kitchen and it's my favorite part of the house :)

Time is up! Wow, one thing down, 999,999 more things to go. LOL!

Secretive kuno

I made my profile here unavailable just in case someone out there who knows me would stumble on this blog, which I doubt because nobody reads this damn thing. It is still very nice to have an outlet to share my inner thoughts someone would otherwise not hear or be bored listening to. Hehe.

I did not mention anything because I have been jinxing it, but we bought a house in December and we close escrow mid-Feb, provided that nothing goes wrong. I might have jinxed this one too but I don't really care. I am not completely head-over-heels in love with the house - it is old and I feel like it is going to fall apart. It is, however, more than big enough for the 3 of us for the time being, sitting on more than 12,000 sqft lot. The house itself is a little less than 1800 sqft boasting a huge swimming pool in the backyard which doesn't even take away from the backyard at all. Tony convinced me that once the previous owner and her junk is out of the house, a new coat of paint and hardwood floors, the house will take my breath away. I understand the potential but it is just difficult to see it when all I see are cracks, molds, and a bunch of old. So even at this point, despite all the work and effort we've put into it and signing a whole bunch of papers, I wouldn't mind losing it and looking for something else. Did I mention it had a septic tank? Thank goodness, "had".

I am also looking for a better-paying job, actually, just a better job. I hate, hate, hate my job. I hate the people. There is so much politics going around. People keeping information to themselves. I don't get it. It is a JOB and people make it their life. Hence, so many bitches and complaining bitches at work. I am the type of an employee that works her ass off but once I am out that door, everything related to it stays behind the door because when I go home, I am all about my family and I do not give a single damn about what happens at work. Those people are not my family, we are all just there to work, you know? Everyone is just trying to make a living, so I just don't understand how people would like to make other people's working environment hell. I don't get it. I just want to get my job done and get it done right but people at work make that impossible and I'd rather get fired.

Year 2011 and Some

Let's see if I remember how to use pixelpipe, the supposedly easy and convenient way to post a blog from an app. It is easy enough but just needs some sort of a motivating feature to have me get off my fat ass and update this blog.

Speaking of my fat ass, I gained weight! I might be back to my pre-baby weight. Before my trip to the Philippines, I weighed a lot less than what I used to be before I got pregnant! Blame it on an overactive toddler and loss of appetite, the weighing scale just kept reading less and less. One of the main reasons I love going back home, other than seeing my family, is the food. Green mangoes dipped in warm garlicky salted-shrimp paste has been my all time favorite! And for 5 pesos a stick, my salivating mouth was very happy! My father made me burung-nasi (fish-preserved rice), sisig (chopped pork and liver), and barbecued mudfish!!! Things I never get to eat in the land of milk and honey. As nasty as they may sound translated in English, they are all appetite-inducing goodness!!!

Highlight of my trip was my tour at ABS-CBN, one of Philippines' major TV networks. Robin, who I later found to be holding roles on Philippine TV, gave us the tour, so it's really like I hung out with a celebrity all day! He was in Wansapanataym last week and looking as cute on tv as he does in person. (Note to self: remember, I'm married!) Anyway, we got to see all the sets of most ABS shows, if not all. We watched a live episode of Pilipinas Win na Win and yours truly had some camera time! It paid off retouching my make up at least 10 times before the show aired. LOL!

I got to see a lot of my relatives, unfortunately, I didn't get to see all the people I wanted to see. Again I want to apologize to my friend, and hopefully still my friend, Richard. We never got to meet despite all the money and energy he and his wife had spent in preparing for it. I just can't apologize enough and I don't know if I can ever make it up. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they told me they understood why but I feel that a great deal of damage was done that permanently dented our friendship. The sad thing is, I don't know how to make it better. I can keep apologizing but it doesn't discount the fact that I totally goofed and probably lost two great friends! :'(

Tyler is 20 months old. He is talking so much more and so much more is an understatement. He loves to say "No!" (surprise! surprise!) "Oh boy!" and "I don't want it!" We constantly have to watch our mouths as he repeats everything hears. No surprise there either. He was certainly happy to see me and is very happy to have me back after 2 weeks of wondering where I was and why I left. I feel like I missed out on so much being away from him on Christmas and New Year. Fortunately, Tony made sure he had it all on film so that I could watch as if I was there the whole time. Remind me to get him something nice for his birthday.

As far as work. Ugh! I don't even want to go there as I have nothing nice to say. They rolled out the much-anticipated new ERP system while I was gone. Nothing works and add to it the people who bitch about it every single day. I really am tired! I need a vacation!!! Oh wait....

Fickle Pickle

I feel so bad that I haven't had time to update my blog. Seems like time just goes way too fast for me now that I am again following a schedule every day. And it almost always takes up 24 hours of my time, 7 days a week! No more play-it-by-ear spontaneity, no more rest other than the sleep I seldom get enough of at night.

Work is okay. It's not great, but it's not so bad either. Just okay. Tyler is doing better at daycare. He's still not completely happy there but I really doubt he will ever be as he prefers being with the people he sees at home. Tony is still Tony, loves me and cares for me.

Life is going in such a fast-paced and uniform cycle but it never fails to spice it up with a sudden twist every now and then. It seems as predictable as a day is, sometimes something catches you off guard and you ask yourself what the hell just happened.

Sometimes I feel I want change but sometimes I feel I am too scared to tear away from what I'm accustomed to. And what's sad is, I don't know what's better. And the worst part? This whole shit doesn't even make sense.

New and Improved

Starting this new job, I'm surprised at myself. I bore a new trait I didn't possess in the past and it makes me smile. I can't even say what it is in words. All I can say is it makes me a better employer and a better person and it makes me feel good about myself.

Aunt Marji

So we met Marjorie Rogers, owner of Primrose School where Tyler will be spending weekdays starting on Tuesday. I still didn't feel that feeling I was looking for but Tony is pretty convinced she's it. That's good enough for me, I guess. Maybe because I'm his mom, I feel that no one is as good as me when it comes to taking care of Tyler. No one will do a better job than me. I know that for a fact, actually. But I'm also convinced daycare will be good for Tyler. He may not be treated as well as when he's with me but daycare will mold his social skills and even strengthen his immune system.

Aunt Marji, as she refers to herself, is a lady with a southern drawl with 3 dogs. She is very mellow and seems to love kids and just knows what to do with them. She has a helper and Tyler will be her 9th kid. She was recommended to us so that's a big thing.

I really hope she is as good as they say she is!

So far so good...

A lot has happened in the last week. I live with my in-laws now and have left Oxnard, hopefully for good because I hate that city. Tony says we will stay here in Winnetka for maybe a couple of weeks until we get a cheap apartment somewhere in Chatsworth. We will stay there for maybe 6 months to a year until my credit is established and we can finally buy a house in Simi Valley. That is the plan. Life has a tendency to throw changes at us and it sometimes hits us so hard it's tough to get back on track. Hopefully this time we have it down to a square because I am starting to hate going back to the drawing board and start with square one again.

I have to come to terms with my crying heart because it hasn't stopped since the news of getting the job. Sole reason: Tyler. We have visited several day care centers and none but one passed our standards as far as safety and our overall comfort. Problem is -- they're pricey! It would eat up all my paycheck in a week and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to say 'well, that's stupid'. All the other ones just didn't appeal to us at all - either the place smelled of poop, we saw snotty kids, down to seeing teachers who seemed to be just doing their job and get through the day, not caring about the kids at all. However, someone recommended a lady that does day care at her home and happens to be conveniently located practically next door to my in-laws. We were told that this lady does wonders (she transformed a misbehaving boy to an angel, she teaches phonics everyday and has all the kids reading by 3) and Tony talked to her on the phone for a while and absolutely loved her. She said "The first two weeks, Tyler would not want to be dropped off. The next two weeks, he would not want to be picked up." It all sounds very promising and idealistic and it would be amazing to prove it all right. We were supposed to meet with her today but her daughter gave birth today so she postponed the meeting to tomorrow. She couldn't get a hold of Tony to cancel but didn't leave the house to go to the hospital until she talked to Tony and to me that says a lot about her. So Tony and I are very hopeful that this is it, she is it. I can't wait to meet her.

Just to soften the blow, I have been taking Tyler to a potential daycare for an hour each day. Yesterday, instead of sticking around, I left for 30 minutes. When I saw him get distracted with the toys, I snuck out. When I got back, boy was he upset and looked like he cried from the moment I took my first step away from the place. Needless to say, it will not be pretty when we officially start this.

As far as getting along with my in-laws, I've only been here a few days and so far so good. I'm very considerate and I try to do beyond my part to avoid clashes. I do not really like sharing a home with anyone I am not accustomed to seeing on a daily basis but I am willing to sacrifice when left with no choice. And they have been very gracious to accept us in their home so I have no right to complain. I try to help, even with the cooking although everyone knows I do not cook. I am making spaghetti tomorrow for dinner, pinoy style with red hot dog and UFC (no, not Ultimate Fighting Championship!, ketchup!)

I really am not looking forward to Sept 7th, when I officially re-enter the working world again. Not because I'm scared of the job, but because I know my heart will shatter in a million pieces kissing my little boy saying bye in the morning. I've already cried countless number of times and I am just getting started. I pray every night for strength and for really nice people who would give my boy at least half of what I have given him the first 16 months of his life. It'll be hard because no one can love him and care for him as much as I do. The only thing that keeps me from calling these people to say I don't want the job is the fact that Tyler and I are not the only ones going through this and that we will eventually cope. So, so far so good...

Saddest Day

So I had an interview this morning with a company that made OE quality import replacement parts. I walked in there with very little sleep not because I was nervous about the interview but because my heart wouldn't stop aching thinking about the possibility of being away from Tyler the majority of the day and trusting complete strangers to attend to his every needs. I must say it is the most difficult decision I ever had to make my whole life, all 27 years of them, not to mention the most heart-breaking and tear-inducing. That possibility, today, has become a reality because I got the job.

I can't even accept congratulations because I have no feelings of mirth or accomplishment, just pure blue funk.

Daily blah!

I went to a staffing agency today because my hunt for a job alone has not been successful. Hopefully these peeps can find me one. They are presenting me to a company in Chatsworth so it'll be quite a drive while still living in Oxnard (we are moving soon anyway) and they seem convinced that I have what it takes to go above and beyond the previous three candidates they already presented. So fingers-crossed, we shall see.

It isn't meeting my salary requirement but times like this, it's hard to be choose-y. Anything is a lot better than what I earn now, which is nothing so...

We have an appointment today at a daycare center we are hoping to put Tyler in. It's very expensive but nothing is cheap in California. So we'll see how that goes. I'm confident that my son, though might struggle in the beginning, will get used to it in no time. He's just that good :)

Wish me and Tyler good luck!

Timezones

I will never get the timezones straight. It just occurred to me tonight that I planned my flight all wrong to the Philippines in December this year. My parents are leaving for Hong Kong on the 15th and will fly to the Philippines on the 20th. They bought their tickets a while ago and I just decided recently that I want to go too. I started searching online for airfare deals. I have no interest in visiting HK so I thought I'd fly with Cathay (layovers are in HK from LAX then they fly to Manila) and meet them in HK on the 20th and we will all fly to the Philippines together. So I bought my ticket today and I fly out of LAX on the 20th. It just occurred to me now that my flight time (17 hours) plus time zone difference (15 hours) means that my flight arrives 2 days later, completely missing my parents 2 days!!! How dumb was I? I should have booked my ticket for the 18th!

Good thing Cathay was fully booked and I opted for PAL because I will be flying alone and I would appreciate a direct flight although my butt will be sore. I got aisle seats both ways so I can easily get in and out of my chair should I feel the need to stretch my legs and walk around. Now I just need to figure out how to get to Pampanga because I don't think my parents will wait for 2 days at the airport for me. Yikes!!!

So yes, I am spending Christmas back home away from my baby!!! I probably won't even make the two weeks I'm supposed to stay there for. I'd probably tell the pilot to turn around to take me home back to LA! Haha!!!

PS
If you're on my facebook, please keep it a hush-hush. None of my relatives know we are coming home for Christmas :)

Opportunity Knocking Next Door

I am looking for a job and have job alerts coming from Monster and CareerBuilder everyday; but because I just love being a mom, I haven't really moved job-hunting up higher on the priority list. But today, I got an alert from CareerBuilder on a Finance job in Woodland Hills. I read all the qualifications and requirements and they seemed to fit my skills and experience. I was going to put off applying for it but I looked at the location of the company and it's in Woodland Hills, city where Tony works. I googled the company to get the exact location and what do you know, it's in the same complex as Tony's building! I checked the distance and it was literally 457 feet away! Carpooling would be a lot more than convenient, Tyler's day care arrangement will be easier, and I no longer have to make friends to eat lunch with because my husband is working right next door! Needless to say, it's a good job with what sounds like a promising company at an ideal location.

So I applied for it. So far, all the jobs I interviewed for in the past I got. This boosts my confidence big time but knowing how fierce the competition is out there, my confidence drops back to zero, especially when I've been idle for more than a year. But please wish me luck and pray for me. As much as I love prolonging being a stay-at-home mom, opportunity like this rarely knocks.

1 Sheep 2 Sheep Fail

It's nearly 3am and I'm still wide awake. I have nothing or nobody to blame for it since I do not take naps in the daytime and I wake up at 7 and Tyler has been an angel sleeping through the night. Things permeate my mind like my usual worries such as money and job-hunting horrors but nothing out of the ordinary. It's been like this for the last few weeks and I have no explanation for it. It seems like I have somehow re-programmed my body to function with just 3 hours of sleep everyday. I might not really feel the effects now but I'm pretty sure old age will catch up with me.

So I have read everyone's updates on facebook and even checked out individual friend's profiles. I even responded to emails I initially chose to ignore even way back from June. It's that bad! I've even exhausted and won my favorite game apps on my phone. Still, nothing. Tony has yelled at me a couple of times and the third time I yelled back for him to give me a break! He says if I try to put the phone down maybe I'd fall asleep. Don't blame the iPhone, I'd go crazy if I had nothing to do but to toss and turn for 6 hours and counting... if anything he should be thankful because if it weren't for the iPhone I'd be bitching at him instead of this blog.

Wean Tyler - check

Warning: If you are a little sensitive about woman talk and not rather read about breasts and nipples, please do not read this entry. (Who am I kidding? Haha!)

I hear a lot of horror stories about mothers weaning their children off the breast. One friend even recommended putting chili peppers on my nipples. First, why the hell would I do that and risk burning my breast? Second and more importantly, why would I do that to my poor son? But I guess I can understand some mothers opting for desperate measures when the baby just wouldn't quit.

Leave it to Tyler to be different. Tyler literally jumps and laughs upon a mere mention of "dede" as we refer to it because he just loves nursing so much. In fact, he knows it is also called "boob". There was one time I was talking to Tony about weaning, careful not to say "dede" so as not to bring it to Tyler's attention; instead I said "I'm ready to wean Tyler off the boob." Little did I know, he knew what boob meant too and kept saying "Boob? Boob?" as he was trying to lift up my shirt. Sooo funny!

Anyway, back to what I was saying. At first I thought it would be hard because it was one of his most favorite things. I nursed him a lot less in the last month, just giving it to him in the morning, before nap, and before bed. And five days ago, I decided to stop him cold turkey. And nothing! He isn't even looking for it! I am still careful not to say the magic words though so as not to remind him. So now I can say, I successfully did it! Well it's all Tyler because if anything, I was the one having a hard time dealing with it. I just cant believe how fast he's grown! But I'm still glad I didn't have to use chili peppers! Not that I would in any circumstance though.

I also hear about babies not being able to go to sleep unless they get a bottle. Tyler never really used a bottle, so I didn't need to worry about that and his teeth. Next thing on the list - potty training!

And for moms out there curious about how it felt - for me it's nothing. I was expecting my breasts to feel engorged and sensitive but so far there is no difference. I'm not sure if it's too early to tell but it has been five days and I don't even know if I still have milk.

But anyway, hello again - lattes and margaritas!!! :)

His Redeeming Bride Book Cover

His Redeeming Bride - Book Review sort of

I just finished reading a book called "His Redeeming Bride" by Ruth Ann Nordin and I just had to blog about it for readers out there. It is actually a free book on iBooks so if you have an iPhone or iPad, you're in luck because this book I would highly recommend.

At first I thought it would be a lousy read because I don't really like reading about weddings which I thought this was judging by the title and the illustration on the cover plus it was set in the 1800s when people used wagons and buggies. But it turned out to be a really great read! It made me laugh and cry. I loved how it put you in people's mindsets two centuries ago I just had to shake my head in disbelief. It's a great story with juicy substance I encourage book lovers to download it now or rent it from the library. I don't usually read books a second time but I think I'll read this again later. I loved it so much I downloaded all the free books written by the same author.

Happy reading!!!

Questions

Why couldn't a path you take have a preview to help you decide? Why couldn't life be that easier? Are regrets really necessary? How dumb is the saying "no regrets just lessons learned" when really the damage is permanent?

Woooooot!!!

This doesn't make a difference in anyone else's life but I have got to share - Tyler has slept through the night for two nights in a row now and I'm counting on a third one tonight.

I think, being a first time mom and all, I did very very well except for the sleeping part. It didn't help that he was a colicky newborn that the only thing that made him stop crying was mommy's presence. We started co-sleeping and trust me, I can't even count the times we tried to put the little rugrat in his own bed... each time we failed miserably. Just last month, I was successful for 3 nights getting him off the boob and having him sleep on his own in his crib but it didn't last long. I couldn't take much of the hours of crying anymore and decided to take it one step at a time. Now he still sleeps with us but puts himself to sleep and now he is sleeping through the night. A good start towards the right direction. Soon, we will love him in his crib but I don't think it won't be until he understands bribes.

This is a mistake I will not repeat on my second child though, that much I can promise!

iPhone Talk

I was able to jailbreak Tony's iPhone and now his phone, though older version, is now cooler than mine. I don't want to void the warranty on my brand new iPhone so it has to remain boring for a while.

I tell you, I am so addicted to my iPhone. I see me pressing buttons the majority of the day! I have to charge it everyday, sometimes twice, sometimes thrice... it's crazy! I have an app that keeps track of previously-paid-now-free cool stuff so I download like there is no tomorrow. I just feel so naked when my phone is not nearby. It just doesn't feel healthy anymore. Like now,
I'm blogging while supposedly sleeping and I'm gonna play a couple of my favorite games right after this. It's madness!!!

50 Years

Seriously, I had no idea July was long gone! I woke up today not knowing we were in a new month! Time flew!!!

Saturday, we looked at several houses in Simi. We fell in love with s 1600-sq ft house with a super huge backyard and a super huge pool! I didn't even want to look after that! It's a cute little starter home (although we might have to knock down a wall to make room for our dining table) with hardwood floors, granite countertops, nice new bathrooms, new appliances. The house is really old but it is very well maintained and it's just sooo perfect! Here is the but... But, it's too overpriced! It was a flip, those not familiar with real estate lingo, I guess that means it was a short sale bought by an agent who is now selling it as a regular sale. This guy fixed it up well but put 100K on top of the price he bought it for. So that's probably a deal breaker but I'm sure it is open for negotiation. But my not having a job might be another hindrance so we will see.

My dad's parents celebrated their 50th anniversary today. 50th!!! It's incredible! Tony and I are celebrating our 2nd on Sunday. 2 years feel like forever!!! Haha! I don't know if we can last 48 more years without biting each other's head off! LOL!!!

Sorry I'm jumping from one topic to another here but Tony is spending the night over at his mom's house tonight. He is picking up an employee of his from the airport tomorrow at Burbank and he didn't want to make the drive from Oxnard. It's weird not having him in the bed. I feel so lonely! It just made me think that life is so different now, I just can't imagine it without my two boys. They are my life... This feeling gives me confidence that we are going to last 50 years and more...