Fickle Pickle

I feel so bad that I haven't had time to update my blog. Seems like time just goes way too fast for me now that I am again following a schedule every day. And it almost always takes up 24 hours of my time, 7 days a week! No more play-it-by-ear spontaneity, no more rest other than the sleep I seldom get enough of at night.

Work is okay. It's not great, but it's not so bad either. Just okay. Tyler is doing better at daycare. He's still not completely happy there but I really doubt he will ever be as he prefers being with the people he sees at home. Tony is still Tony, loves me and cares for me.

Life is going in such a fast-paced and uniform cycle but it never fails to spice it up with a sudden twist every now and then. It seems as predictable as a day is, sometimes something catches you off guard and you ask yourself what the hell just happened.

Sometimes I feel I want change but sometimes I feel I am too scared to tear away from what I'm accustomed to. And what's sad is, I don't know what's better. And the worst part? This whole shit doesn't even make sense.

New and Improved

Starting this new job, I'm surprised at myself. I bore a new trait I didn't possess in the past and it makes me smile. I can't even say what it is in words. All I can say is it makes me a better employer and a better person and it makes me feel good about myself.

Aunt Marji

So we met Marjorie Rogers, owner of Primrose School where Tyler will be spending weekdays starting on Tuesday. I still didn't feel that feeling I was looking for but Tony is pretty convinced she's it. That's good enough for me, I guess. Maybe because I'm his mom, I feel that no one is as good as me when it comes to taking care of Tyler. No one will do a better job than me. I know that for a fact, actually. But I'm also convinced daycare will be good for Tyler. He may not be treated as well as when he's with me but daycare will mold his social skills and even strengthen his immune system.

Aunt Marji, as she refers to herself, is a lady with a southern drawl with 3 dogs. She is very mellow and seems to love kids and just knows what to do with them. She has a helper and Tyler will be her 9th kid. She was recommended to us so that's a big thing.

I really hope she is as good as they say she is!

So far so good...

A lot has happened in the last week. I live with my in-laws now and have left Oxnard, hopefully for good because I hate that city. Tony says we will stay here in Winnetka for maybe a couple of weeks until we get a cheap apartment somewhere in Chatsworth. We will stay there for maybe 6 months to a year until my credit is established and we can finally buy a house in Simi Valley. That is the plan. Life has a tendency to throw changes at us and it sometimes hits us so hard it's tough to get back on track. Hopefully this time we have it down to a square because I am starting to hate going back to the drawing board and start with square one again.

I have to come to terms with my crying heart because it hasn't stopped since the news of getting the job. Sole reason: Tyler. We have visited several day care centers and none but one passed our standards as far as safety and our overall comfort. Problem is -- they're pricey! It would eat up all my paycheck in a week and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to say 'well, that's stupid'. All the other ones just didn't appeal to us at all - either the place smelled of poop, we saw snotty kids, down to seeing teachers who seemed to be just doing their job and get through the day, not caring about the kids at all. However, someone recommended a lady that does day care at her home and happens to be conveniently located practically next door to my in-laws. We were told that this lady does wonders (she transformed a misbehaving boy to an angel, she teaches phonics everyday and has all the kids reading by 3) and Tony talked to her on the phone for a while and absolutely loved her. She said "The first two weeks, Tyler would not want to be dropped off. The next two weeks, he would not want to be picked up." It all sounds very promising and idealistic and it would be amazing to prove it all right. We were supposed to meet with her today but her daughter gave birth today so she postponed the meeting to tomorrow. She couldn't get a hold of Tony to cancel but didn't leave the house to go to the hospital until she talked to Tony and to me that says a lot about her. So Tony and I are very hopeful that this is it, she is it. I can't wait to meet her.

Just to soften the blow, I have been taking Tyler to a potential daycare for an hour each day. Yesterday, instead of sticking around, I left for 30 minutes. When I saw him get distracted with the toys, I snuck out. When I got back, boy was he upset and looked like he cried from the moment I took my first step away from the place. Needless to say, it will not be pretty when we officially start this.

As far as getting along with my in-laws, I've only been here a few days and so far so good. I'm very considerate and I try to do beyond my part to avoid clashes. I do not really like sharing a home with anyone I am not accustomed to seeing on a daily basis but I am willing to sacrifice when left with no choice. And they have been very gracious to accept us in their home so I have no right to complain. I try to help, even with the cooking although everyone knows I do not cook. I am making spaghetti tomorrow for dinner, pinoy style with red hot dog and UFC (no, not Ultimate Fighting Championship!, ketchup!)

I really am not looking forward to Sept 7th, when I officially re-enter the working world again. Not because I'm scared of the job, but because I know my heart will shatter in a million pieces kissing my little boy saying bye in the morning. I've already cried countless number of times and I am just getting started. I pray every night for strength and for really nice people who would give my boy at least half of what I have given him the first 16 months of his life. It'll be hard because no one can love him and care for him as much as I do. The only thing that keeps me from calling these people to say I don't want the job is the fact that Tyler and I are not the only ones going through this and that we will eventually cope. So, so far so good...

Saddest Day

So I had an interview this morning with a company that made OE quality import replacement parts. I walked in there with very little sleep not because I was nervous about the interview but because my heart wouldn't stop aching thinking about the possibility of being away from Tyler the majority of the day and trusting complete strangers to attend to his every needs. I must say it is the most difficult decision I ever had to make my whole life, all 27 years of them, not to mention the most heart-breaking and tear-inducing. That possibility, today, has become a reality because I got the job.

I can't even accept congratulations because I have no feelings of mirth or accomplishment, just pure blue funk.

Daily blah!

I went to a staffing agency today because my hunt for a job alone has not been successful. Hopefully these peeps can find me one. They are presenting me to a company in Chatsworth so it'll be quite a drive while still living in Oxnard (we are moving soon anyway) and they seem convinced that I have what it takes to go above and beyond the previous three candidates they already presented. So fingers-crossed, we shall see.

It isn't meeting my salary requirement but times like this, it's hard to be choose-y. Anything is a lot better than what I earn now, which is nothing so...

We have an appointment today at a daycare center we are hoping to put Tyler in. It's very expensive but nothing is cheap in California. So we'll see how that goes. I'm confident that my son, though might struggle in the beginning, will get used to it in no time. He's just that good :)

Wish me and Tyler good luck!

Timezones

I will never get the timezones straight. It just occurred to me tonight that I planned my flight all wrong to the Philippines in December this year. My parents are leaving for Hong Kong on the 15th and will fly to the Philippines on the 20th. They bought their tickets a while ago and I just decided recently that I want to go too. I started searching online for airfare deals. I have no interest in visiting HK so I thought I'd fly with Cathay (layovers are in HK from LAX then they fly to Manila) and meet them in HK on the 20th and we will all fly to the Philippines together. So I bought my ticket today and I fly out of LAX on the 20th. It just occurred to me now that my flight time (17 hours) plus time zone difference (15 hours) means that my flight arrives 2 days later, completely missing my parents 2 days!!! How dumb was I? I should have booked my ticket for the 18th!

Good thing Cathay was fully booked and I opted for PAL because I will be flying alone and I would appreciate a direct flight although my butt will be sore. I got aisle seats both ways so I can easily get in and out of my chair should I feel the need to stretch my legs and walk around. Now I just need to figure out how to get to Pampanga because I don't think my parents will wait for 2 days at the airport for me. Yikes!!!

So yes, I am spending Christmas back home away from my baby!!! I probably won't even make the two weeks I'm supposed to stay there for. I'd probably tell the pilot to turn around to take me home back to LA! Haha!!!

PS
If you're on my facebook, please keep it a hush-hush. None of my relatives know we are coming home for Christmas :)

Opportunity Knocking Next Door

I am looking for a job and have job alerts coming from Monster and CareerBuilder everyday; but because I just love being a mom, I haven't really moved job-hunting up higher on the priority list. But today, I got an alert from CareerBuilder on a Finance job in Woodland Hills. I read all the qualifications and requirements and they seemed to fit my skills and experience. I was going to put off applying for it but I looked at the location of the company and it's in Woodland Hills, city where Tony works. I googled the company to get the exact location and what do you know, it's in the same complex as Tony's building! I checked the distance and it was literally 457 feet away! Carpooling would be a lot more than convenient, Tyler's day care arrangement will be easier, and I no longer have to make friends to eat lunch with because my husband is working right next door! Needless to say, it's a good job with what sounds like a promising company at an ideal location.

So I applied for it. So far, all the jobs I interviewed for in the past I got. This boosts my confidence big time but knowing how fierce the competition is out there, my confidence drops back to zero, especially when I've been idle for more than a year. But please wish me luck and pray for me. As much as I love prolonging being a stay-at-home mom, opportunity like this rarely knocks.

1 Sheep 2 Sheep Fail

It's nearly 3am and I'm still wide awake. I have nothing or nobody to blame for it since I do not take naps in the daytime and I wake up at 7 and Tyler has been an angel sleeping through the night. Things permeate my mind like my usual worries such as money and job-hunting horrors but nothing out of the ordinary. It's been like this for the last few weeks and I have no explanation for it. It seems like I have somehow re-programmed my body to function with just 3 hours of sleep everyday. I might not really feel the effects now but I'm pretty sure old age will catch up with me.

So I have read everyone's updates on facebook and even checked out individual friend's profiles. I even responded to emails I initially chose to ignore even way back from June. It's that bad! I've even exhausted and won my favorite game apps on my phone. Still, nothing. Tony has yelled at me a couple of times and the third time I yelled back for him to give me a break! He says if I try to put the phone down maybe I'd fall asleep. Don't blame the iPhone, I'd go crazy if I had nothing to do but to toss and turn for 6 hours and counting... if anything he should be thankful because if it weren't for the iPhone I'd be bitching at him instead of this blog.

Wean Tyler - check

Warning: If you are a little sensitive about woman talk and not rather read about breasts and nipples, please do not read this entry. (Who am I kidding? Haha!)

I hear a lot of horror stories about mothers weaning their children off the breast. One friend even recommended putting chili peppers on my nipples. First, why the hell would I do that and risk burning my breast? Second and more importantly, why would I do that to my poor son? But I guess I can understand some mothers opting for desperate measures when the baby just wouldn't quit.

Leave it to Tyler to be different. Tyler literally jumps and laughs upon a mere mention of "dede" as we refer to it because he just loves nursing so much. In fact, he knows it is also called "boob". There was one time I was talking to Tony about weaning, careful not to say "dede" so as not to bring it to Tyler's attention; instead I said "I'm ready to wean Tyler off the boob." Little did I know, he knew what boob meant too and kept saying "Boob? Boob?" as he was trying to lift up my shirt. Sooo funny!

Anyway, back to what I was saying. At first I thought it would be hard because it was one of his most favorite things. I nursed him a lot less in the last month, just giving it to him in the morning, before nap, and before bed. And five days ago, I decided to stop him cold turkey. And nothing! He isn't even looking for it! I am still careful not to say the magic words though so as not to remind him. So now I can say, I successfully did it! Well it's all Tyler because if anything, I was the one having a hard time dealing with it. I just cant believe how fast he's grown! But I'm still glad I didn't have to use chili peppers! Not that I would in any circumstance though.

I also hear about babies not being able to go to sleep unless they get a bottle. Tyler never really used a bottle, so I didn't need to worry about that and his teeth. Next thing on the list - potty training!

And for moms out there curious about how it felt - for me it's nothing. I was expecting my breasts to feel engorged and sensitive but so far there is no difference. I'm not sure if it's too early to tell but it has been five days and I don't even know if I still have milk.

But anyway, hello again - lattes and margaritas!!! :)

His Redeeming Bride Book Cover

His Redeeming Bride - Book Review sort of

I just finished reading a book called "His Redeeming Bride" by Ruth Ann Nordin and I just had to blog about it for readers out there. It is actually a free book on iBooks so if you have an iPhone or iPad, you're in luck because this book I would highly recommend.

At first I thought it would be a lousy read because I don't really like reading about weddings which I thought this was judging by the title and the illustration on the cover plus it was set in the 1800s when people used wagons and buggies. But it turned out to be a really great read! It made me laugh and cry. I loved how it put you in people's mindsets two centuries ago I just had to shake my head in disbelief. It's a great story with juicy substance I encourage book lovers to download it now or rent it from the library. I don't usually read books a second time but I think I'll read this again later. I loved it so much I downloaded all the free books written by the same author.

Happy reading!!!

Questions

Why couldn't a path you take have a preview to help you decide? Why couldn't life be that easier? Are regrets really necessary? How dumb is the saying "no regrets just lessons learned" when really the damage is permanent?

Woooooot!!!

This doesn't make a difference in anyone else's life but I have got to share - Tyler has slept through the night for two nights in a row now and I'm counting on a third one tonight.

I think, being a first time mom and all, I did very very well except for the sleeping part. It didn't help that he was a colicky newborn that the only thing that made him stop crying was mommy's presence. We started co-sleeping and trust me, I can't even count the times we tried to put the little rugrat in his own bed... each time we failed miserably. Just last month, I was successful for 3 nights getting him off the boob and having him sleep on his own in his crib but it didn't last long. I couldn't take much of the hours of crying anymore and decided to take it one step at a time. Now he still sleeps with us but puts himself to sleep and now he is sleeping through the night. A good start towards the right direction. Soon, we will love him in his crib but I don't think it won't be until he understands bribes.

This is a mistake I will not repeat on my second child though, that much I can promise!

iPhone Talk

I was able to jailbreak Tony's iPhone and now his phone, though older version, is now cooler than mine. I don't want to void the warranty on my brand new iPhone so it has to remain boring for a while.

I tell you, I am so addicted to my iPhone. I see me pressing buttons the majority of the day! I have to charge it everyday, sometimes twice, sometimes thrice... it's crazy! I have an app that keeps track of previously-paid-now-free cool stuff so I download like there is no tomorrow. I just feel so naked when my phone is not nearby. It just doesn't feel healthy anymore. Like now,
I'm blogging while supposedly sleeping and I'm gonna play a couple of my favorite games right after this. It's madness!!!

50 Years

Seriously, I had no idea July was long gone! I woke up today not knowing we were in a new month! Time flew!!!

Saturday, we looked at several houses in Simi. We fell in love with s 1600-sq ft house with a super huge backyard and a super huge pool! I didn't even want to look after that! It's a cute little starter home (although we might have to knock down a wall to make room for our dining table) with hardwood floors, granite countertops, nice new bathrooms, new appliances. The house is really old but it is very well maintained and it's just sooo perfect! Here is the but... But, it's too overpriced! It was a flip, those not familiar with real estate lingo, I guess that means it was a short sale bought by an agent who is now selling it as a regular sale. This guy fixed it up well but put 100K on top of the price he bought it for. So that's probably a deal breaker but I'm sure it is open for negotiation. But my not having a job might be another hindrance so we will see.

My dad's parents celebrated their 50th anniversary today. 50th!!! It's incredible! Tony and I are celebrating our 2nd on Sunday. 2 years feel like forever!!! Haha! I don't know if we can last 48 more years without biting each other's head off! LOL!!!

Sorry I'm jumping from one topic to another here but Tony is spending the night over at his mom's house tonight. He is picking up an employee of his from the airport tomorrow at Burbank and he didn't want to make the drive from Oxnard. It's weird not having him in the bed. I feel so lonely! It just made me think that life is so different now, I just can't imagine it without my two boys. They are my life... This feeling gives me confidence that we are going to last 50 years and more...

Update! Update!

Okay, here is the scoop. I downloaded an iPhone app called pixelpipe and this I hope will give me enough motivation to update my blog more often. It provides the convenience of posting using my iPhone without having to log in each time.

First thing first: Texas. It is not going to happen! We backed out of the house. Tony went through series of interviews, feeling good about it. They liked him a lot and his management style just for them to come back and say they selected him among all the applicants but because he did not have mortgage experience, they offered him less money than what he asked for. BULLSHIT! Tony makes a lot more than what they were offering right now and what the hell is the point of moving his family halfway across the country starting with nothing and making less. Stupid bastards! Very insulting! We don't understand why the f*ck they went on an on with the interview knowing very well from the get go he didn't have mortgage experience. Tony was turned off about the whole thing and we decided to forget about Texas altogether.

There!

However, we are still looking to purchase a house in California. Of course we can never afford a brand new 4000-sq ft mansion here and we will probably end up with a 1200-sq ft fixer-upper and triple the price, but it'd be a good start. We looked at houses in the Canoga Park area (close to Tony's home town) and liked two of the houses we saw. Tomorrow, Saturday, we are looking in Simi Valley where we used to live. It goes without saying though that I need to find a job first before we can afford anything. Freaking Southern California, economy sucks and everything is still very expensive!

In other news, I am starting to wean Tyler off the breast! This gives some of my freedom back, my caffeine and margaritas! I was okay with it as long as he liked it but sleeping has lately been very harsh. He would wake up about 3 times at night and nothing would make him stop crying but the breast. So I stopped nursing him during bed time and this will be our second week and he is sleeping much better!

A part of me is very sad though because it feels like we are losing that connection. When he was born and we were bombarded with visitors who wanted to hold him, I liked our nursing time very much because it gave us a full hour every three hours, everyday, together. He survived the first 6 months just having me as his source of food. Now he is a big boy eating everything he could get his hands on and weaning him tells me he is growing up. It's a little sad he is no longer a baby. I can almost say I want another baby. Almost.

Hooray to pixelpipe! I can update my blog and fb at the same time using my phone! I don't have time to use the computer so I can never find time to update my blog. But yay! My blog readers (if there's any left hehe), I promise to be a bit more active now.

Tyler and mic

Testing 123 blogger and fb pic pixelpipe test.

Pixelpipe Test

123. If this works, I can blog more often :)

Test2

123. If this works, I can blog more often :) test2 take 2

Blogger and fb pixelpipe test.

Book Review: Jemima J

Jemima J

Author: Jane Green

343 Pages

My Rating: 4 Stars

It is a story of an overweight journalist who does not get the best treatment from her social-climbing roommates and always feels inferior to her less talented but better-paid co-worker Geraldine. At the Kilburn Herald in London where she works, it seems she is stuck at the bottom. Her only ally is food although she knows she needs serious change in order to be noticed by her charming colleague, Ben. When she meets Brad, a blond Californian hunk, over the Internet, she sees it as an opportunity to reinvent herself as JJ. JJ, like the women in magazines she collects, is charming, glamorous, and gym-obsessed. When Brad decides to meet with her, she decides to conquer her food addiction and just be like the woman in her dreams. After giving up food coupled with serious workouts at the gym and makes exercise as highest priority, she has transformed herself from Jemima J to JJ. She flies to California and meets Brad, who turns out to be a man every woman would kill for.

I will stop there because I do not want to spoil it for those who'd like to read it. I love the story, the journey JJ takes gives the reader eye-watering laughs. However, I just do not like the way that author told the story. It switches from third person to first person all throughout the book so it is like sometimes Jemima is telling us the story, and then it jumps to the author now telling us the story. Reading through it, I understand why the author chose such style of writing but it would have been possible to keep it first-person, just so the reader would feel more connected to the character as if the reader is there - reason why I did not give it 5 stars.

Moving Again?

It might be too early to tell but Tony has applied for a job that would require us to relocate to DFW Texas. Apparently, Tony is a promising candidate for the position never mind that he has no experience relating to the said job. However, Tony has great potential, very bright, and an excellent leader. I see how he handles his staff and he really is a great boss. Needless to say, we have been considering the possibility that he will get the job and we will have to start life anew in a new state and leave California behind. There, we will be able to give Tyler a better future because things are so much more affordable provided that Tony gets a raise and I get a job. We are looking to purchase a brand new house and we have fallen in love with a 4161 sq ft, 5 bedroom, 4 bath 2-story. Here are some pictures. This is probably in the millions in a good part of Southern California but it's only $269K in Texas! Something we can afford.

Everything about it sounds good except when I think about leaving my family behind and Tony's parents. It's a tough call between the pros and the cons but I guess I have to make the decision that best suits my family and that is to move.

Of course we might be getting too ahead of ourselves. There is also the possibility that his current employer might counteroffer and the decision gets even harder then. So for now, we'll leave it up in the air and cross the bridge when we get there. He expects to hear from the new potential employer this week so I'll keep you posted.

A trip down memory lane

I can't sleep and I had to find a way to entertain myself because the TV just wasn't doing it. I am currently reading Jane Green's "Jemima J" (Jemima J is an overweight chick who meets a guy online. She invents a supermodel to describe herself and has to work hard to attain such status when the guy decides to meet with her). So an idea sparked in my head - why not try the world of chatting again. I did it! I reinvented me - well, not really. I didn't change anything except for my name and my marital status, just to play a little, just for fun. But I remembered right after they asked "asl" how boring it was! I logged off chat immediately. It's so funny I haven't done it in a long time I couldn't keep up with the chatroom - I found myself trying to scroll up to see what I had missed trying to talk to two people. Boy I'm old! That's another trip down memory lane I'll probably never take again - because I know I'd just get lost and I know I don't belong.

In other news, Tyler is turning 1 in a week! Yeeey! I survived! My baby is still alive! Except for the hellish last week, he's super healthy! Last week is quite the opposite. He caught some kind of a viral infection that practically incapacitated the poor thing for 5 days. But I don't want to talk about it, I'm supposed to be celebrating here. So yay!

We are getting things together for the party. It is a big deal but probably not an all-out party like most Filipinos usually do. But being me, I have to have a theme. So it's blue and brown! I want it to be polka dots too but it's a first birthday party, so I stopped at the colors. I made invitations of the said color combination and we are blowing our own helium balloons, also only in those colors. We have chairs and tables covered in blue and brown, even utensils, plates, and napkins. Tomorrow, we will take care of the cake and other things. I'm excited!

I think I did a good job with Tyler. He's a super smart boy, but don't all mommies say that? He picks up any object and puts it against his ear and says "alo?". First it was really just phones, but lately it's been a hairbrush, a CD, and sometimes even a sock. He breaks free from anyone carrying him, wanting to explore the world around him. He walks up to strangers (like in a restaurant) and flashes them a big smile and waves. When they smile and wave back, he gets all shy, runs back to mommy to hide his face, presses his nose as hard as possible against my leg, and then sneaks another glimpse at them, still with the same smile pasted on his face. He's just the cutest!

Okay, maybe next time I can't sleep, I should start a blog because it's so soporific. *Yawn* -no wonder this had not been updated until now. Bye for now~