So far so good...

A lot has happened in the last week. I live with my in-laws now and have left Oxnard, hopefully for good because I hate that city. Tony says we will stay here in Winnetka for maybe a couple of weeks until we get a cheap apartment somewhere in Chatsworth. We will stay there for maybe 6 months to a year until my credit is established and we can finally buy a house in Simi Valley. That is the plan. Life has a tendency to throw changes at us and it sometimes hits us so hard it's tough to get back on track. Hopefully this time we have it down to a square because I am starting to hate going back to the drawing board and start with square one again.

I have to come to terms with my crying heart because it hasn't stopped since the news of getting the job. Sole reason: Tyler. We have visited several day care centers and none but one passed our standards as far as safety and our overall comfort. Problem is -- they're pricey! It would eat up all my paycheck in a week and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to say 'well, that's stupid'. All the other ones just didn't appeal to us at all - either the place smelled of poop, we saw snotty kids, down to seeing teachers who seemed to be just doing their job and get through the day, not caring about the kids at all. However, someone recommended a lady that does day care at her home and happens to be conveniently located practically next door to my in-laws. We were told that this lady does wonders (she transformed a misbehaving boy to an angel, she teaches phonics everyday and has all the kids reading by 3) and Tony talked to her on the phone for a while and absolutely loved her. She said "The first two weeks, Tyler would not want to be dropped off. The next two weeks, he would not want to be picked up." It all sounds very promising and idealistic and it would be amazing to prove it all right. We were supposed to meet with her today but her daughter gave birth today so she postponed the meeting to tomorrow. She couldn't get a hold of Tony to cancel but didn't leave the house to go to the hospital until she talked to Tony and to me that says a lot about her. So Tony and I are very hopeful that this is it, she is it. I can't wait to meet her.

Just to soften the blow, I have been taking Tyler to a potential daycare for an hour each day. Yesterday, instead of sticking around, I left for 30 minutes. When I saw him get distracted with the toys, I snuck out. When I got back, boy was he upset and looked like he cried from the moment I took my first step away from the place. Needless to say, it will not be pretty when we officially start this.

As far as getting along with my in-laws, I've only been here a few days and so far so good. I'm very considerate and I try to do beyond my part to avoid clashes. I do not really like sharing a home with anyone I am not accustomed to seeing on a daily basis but I am willing to sacrifice when left with no choice. And they have been very gracious to accept us in their home so I have no right to complain. I try to help, even with the cooking although everyone knows I do not cook. I am making spaghetti tomorrow for dinner, pinoy style with red hot dog and UFC (no, not Ultimate Fighting Championship!, ketchup!)

I really am not looking forward to Sept 7th, when I officially re-enter the working world again. Not because I'm scared of the job, but because I know my heart will shatter in a million pieces kissing my little boy saying bye in the morning. I've already cried countless number of times and I am just getting started. I pray every night for strength and for really nice people who would give my boy at least half of what I have given him the first 16 months of his life. It'll be hard because no one can love him and care for him as much as I do. The only thing that keeps me from calling these people to say I don't want the job is the fact that Tyler and I are not the only ones going through this and that we will eventually cope. So, so far so good...