Holy cow!

Really? My last blog was in January!? Wow! A million things have taken shape since then. I am on my short break at work and I have exactly 6 minutes to blog about the million things.

We got the house, most transactions took place in February and we moved in mid-March without a kitchen. I thought it would be easy and sure beat having to live with in-laws for longer than I could endure, but it sucked using plastic plates and utensils and washing Tyler's silly cups in the bathroom sink. The cabinets arrived much later than promised and it took Tony and his brother Jeff about 3 days for the kitchen to be somewhat functional. It's not quite done yet as we stopped working on it for a while (we are saving more money!). But it is still missing a range hood (please do not suggest a microwave hood) and the crown molding isn't done yet. Buy it is a very lovely kitchen and it's my favorite part of the house :)

Time is up! Wow, one thing down, 999,999 more things to go. LOL!

Secretive kuno

I made my profile here unavailable just in case someone out there who knows me would stumble on this blog, which I doubt because nobody reads this damn thing. It is still very nice to have an outlet to share my inner thoughts someone would otherwise not hear or be bored listening to. Hehe.

I did not mention anything because I have been jinxing it, but we bought a house in December and we close escrow mid-Feb, provided that nothing goes wrong. I might have jinxed this one too but I don't really care. I am not completely head-over-heels in love with the house - it is old and I feel like it is going to fall apart. It is, however, more than big enough for the 3 of us for the time being, sitting on more than 12,000 sqft lot. The house itself is a little less than 1800 sqft boasting a huge swimming pool in the backyard which doesn't even take away from the backyard at all. Tony convinced me that once the previous owner and her junk is out of the house, a new coat of paint and hardwood floors, the house will take my breath away. I understand the potential but it is just difficult to see it when all I see are cracks, molds, and a bunch of old. So even at this point, despite all the work and effort we've put into it and signing a whole bunch of papers, I wouldn't mind losing it and looking for something else. Did I mention it had a septic tank? Thank goodness, "had".

I am also looking for a better-paying job, actually, just a better job. I hate, hate, hate my job. I hate the people. There is so much politics going around. People keeping information to themselves. I don't get it. It is a JOB and people make it their life. Hence, so many bitches and complaining bitches at work. I am the type of an employee that works her ass off but once I am out that door, everything related to it stays behind the door because when I go home, I am all about my family and I do not give a single damn about what happens at work. Those people are not my family, we are all just there to work, you know? Everyone is just trying to make a living, so I just don't understand how people would like to make other people's working environment hell. I don't get it. I just want to get my job done and get it done right but people at work make that impossible and I'd rather get fired.

Year 2011 and Some

Let's see if I remember how to use pixelpipe, the supposedly easy and convenient way to post a blog from an app. It is easy enough but just needs some sort of a motivating feature to have me get off my fat ass and update this blog.

Speaking of my fat ass, I gained weight! I might be back to my pre-baby weight. Before my trip to the Philippines, I weighed a lot less than what I used to be before I got pregnant! Blame it on an overactive toddler and loss of appetite, the weighing scale just kept reading less and less. One of the main reasons I love going back home, other than seeing my family, is the food. Green mangoes dipped in warm garlicky salted-shrimp paste has been my all time favorite! And for 5 pesos a stick, my salivating mouth was very happy! My father made me burung-nasi (fish-preserved rice), sisig (chopped pork and liver), and barbecued mudfish!!! Things I never get to eat in the land of milk and honey. As nasty as they may sound translated in English, they are all appetite-inducing goodness!!!

Highlight of my trip was my tour at ABS-CBN, one of Philippines' major TV networks. Robin, who I later found to be holding roles on Philippine TV, gave us the tour, so it's really like I hung out with a celebrity all day! He was in Wansapanataym last week and looking as cute on tv as he does in person. (Note to self: remember, I'm married!) Anyway, we got to see all the sets of most ABS shows, if not all. We watched a live episode of Pilipinas Win na Win and yours truly had some camera time! It paid off retouching my make up at least 10 times before the show aired. LOL!

I got to see a lot of my relatives, unfortunately, I didn't get to see all the people I wanted to see. Again I want to apologize to my friend, and hopefully still my friend, Richard. We never got to meet despite all the money and energy he and his wife had spent in preparing for it. I just can't apologize enough and I don't know if I can ever make it up. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they told me they understood why but I feel that a great deal of damage was done that permanently dented our friendship. The sad thing is, I don't know how to make it better. I can keep apologizing but it doesn't discount the fact that I totally goofed and probably lost two great friends! :'(

Tyler is 20 months old. He is talking so much more and so much more is an understatement. He loves to say "No!" (surprise! surprise!) "Oh boy!" and "I don't want it!" We constantly have to watch our mouths as he repeats everything hears. No surprise there either. He was certainly happy to see me and is very happy to have me back after 2 weeks of wondering where I was and why I left. I feel like I missed out on so much being away from him on Christmas and New Year. Fortunately, Tony made sure he had it all on film so that I could watch as if I was there the whole time. Remind me to get him something nice for his birthday.

As far as work. Ugh! I don't even want to go there as I have nothing nice to say. They rolled out the much-anticipated new ERP system while I was gone. Nothing works and add to it the people who bitch about it every single day. I really am tired! I need a vacation!!! Oh wait....

Fickle Pickle

I feel so bad that I haven't had time to update my blog. Seems like time just goes way too fast for me now that I am again following a schedule every day. And it almost always takes up 24 hours of my time, 7 days a week! No more play-it-by-ear spontaneity, no more rest other than the sleep I seldom get enough of at night.

Work is okay. It's not great, but it's not so bad either. Just okay. Tyler is doing better at daycare. He's still not completely happy there but I really doubt he will ever be as he prefers being with the people he sees at home. Tony is still Tony, loves me and cares for me.

Life is going in such a fast-paced and uniform cycle but it never fails to spice it up with a sudden twist every now and then. It seems as predictable as a day is, sometimes something catches you off guard and you ask yourself what the hell just happened.

Sometimes I feel I want change but sometimes I feel I am too scared to tear away from what I'm accustomed to. And what's sad is, I don't know what's better. And the worst part? This whole shit doesn't even make sense.

New and Improved

Starting this new job, I'm surprised at myself. I bore a new trait I didn't possess in the past and it makes me smile. I can't even say what it is in words. All I can say is it makes me a better employer and a better person and it makes me feel good about myself.

Aunt Marji

So we met Marjorie Rogers, owner of Primrose School where Tyler will be spending weekdays starting on Tuesday. I still didn't feel that feeling I was looking for but Tony is pretty convinced she's it. That's good enough for me, I guess. Maybe because I'm his mom, I feel that no one is as good as me when it comes to taking care of Tyler. No one will do a better job than me. I know that for a fact, actually. But I'm also convinced daycare will be good for Tyler. He may not be treated as well as when he's with me but daycare will mold his social skills and even strengthen his immune system.

Aunt Marji, as she refers to herself, is a lady with a southern drawl with 3 dogs. She is very mellow and seems to love kids and just knows what to do with them. She has a helper and Tyler will be her 9th kid. She was recommended to us so that's a big thing.

I really hope she is as good as they say she is!

So far so good...

A lot has happened in the last week. I live with my in-laws now and have left Oxnard, hopefully for good because I hate that city. Tony says we will stay here in Winnetka for maybe a couple of weeks until we get a cheap apartment somewhere in Chatsworth. We will stay there for maybe 6 months to a year until my credit is established and we can finally buy a house in Simi Valley. That is the plan. Life has a tendency to throw changes at us and it sometimes hits us so hard it's tough to get back on track. Hopefully this time we have it down to a square because I am starting to hate going back to the drawing board and start with square one again.

I have to come to terms with my crying heart because it hasn't stopped since the news of getting the job. Sole reason: Tyler. We have visited several day care centers and none but one passed our standards as far as safety and our overall comfort. Problem is -- they're pricey! It would eat up all my paycheck in a week and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to say 'well, that's stupid'. All the other ones just didn't appeal to us at all - either the place smelled of poop, we saw snotty kids, down to seeing teachers who seemed to be just doing their job and get through the day, not caring about the kids at all. However, someone recommended a lady that does day care at her home and happens to be conveniently located practically next door to my in-laws. We were told that this lady does wonders (she transformed a misbehaving boy to an angel, she teaches phonics everyday and has all the kids reading by 3) and Tony talked to her on the phone for a while and absolutely loved her. She said "The first two weeks, Tyler would not want to be dropped off. The next two weeks, he would not want to be picked up." It all sounds very promising and idealistic and it would be amazing to prove it all right. We were supposed to meet with her today but her daughter gave birth today so she postponed the meeting to tomorrow. She couldn't get a hold of Tony to cancel but didn't leave the house to go to the hospital until she talked to Tony and to me that says a lot about her. So Tony and I are very hopeful that this is it, she is it. I can't wait to meet her.

Just to soften the blow, I have been taking Tyler to a potential daycare for an hour each day. Yesterday, instead of sticking around, I left for 30 minutes. When I saw him get distracted with the toys, I snuck out. When I got back, boy was he upset and looked like he cried from the moment I took my first step away from the place. Needless to say, it will not be pretty when we officially start this.

As far as getting along with my in-laws, I've only been here a few days and so far so good. I'm very considerate and I try to do beyond my part to avoid clashes. I do not really like sharing a home with anyone I am not accustomed to seeing on a daily basis but I am willing to sacrifice when left with no choice. And they have been very gracious to accept us in their home so I have no right to complain. I try to help, even with the cooking although everyone knows I do not cook. I am making spaghetti tomorrow for dinner, pinoy style with red hot dog and UFC (no, not Ultimate Fighting Championship!, ketchup!)

I really am not looking forward to Sept 7th, when I officially re-enter the working world again. Not because I'm scared of the job, but because I know my heart will shatter in a million pieces kissing my little boy saying bye in the morning. I've already cried countless number of times and I am just getting started. I pray every night for strength and for really nice people who would give my boy at least half of what I have given him the first 16 months of his life. It'll be hard because no one can love him and care for him as much as I do. The only thing that keeps me from calling these people to say I don't want the job is the fact that Tyler and I are not the only ones going through this and that we will eventually cope. So, so far so good...